Monday, March 21, 2011

Let me pour myself out to you for a moment.

Today I went out and bought myself a new suit and a coat from Jos A Bank. It went pretty well, if anything I have something nice for the upcoming wedding this summer though the original reason for these purchases was to have something to wear for work when I actually find work.

Work... one of the few things that I don't quite have yet. Why? I'm not sure, I just can't find a place that says yes, this is where He wants you to be. It's been nearly a year since I've graduated college, and I've been working at my dad's office helping him with clerical and book keeping stuff. Over the past ten months I've realized a few things.

  • Getting a business degree wasn't the best idea. 
  • Computers doesn't feel like my calling, just a tool to be used for it
  • Writing is the only thing that I can do without too much thought and it makes me happy
  • God's plan for me is still there, waiting

Why did I get a business degree then? When I applied for Wayland I was originally going to go into computer science and possibly art. My father dashed my hopes of achieving anything artistically because he had the same ideas back then and well, he hasn't done anything artistic since college. Another of my passion was writing -- I'd written poetry and prose and yet the discouragement that came to the art flooded over into my writing and so I didn't choose an English degree. I remember the numerous occasions where I would look at the English classes and go "Oooo it'd be neat to take this course, and this course, and etc." but I'd already started down business. Why business? Well, at the time Thomas, my older brother, was already graduated and was working for Hewlett Packard. He had a business degree and was doing programming work for them and I thought how cool would that be? So I chose business, beside the fact that my brother was in it, it seemed one of the more versatile degrees to get.

I dunno, academic wise I sometimes feel as though I made the wrong decision with my degree, but what can one do about it accept move forward? 

Another thing that's been wearing on me, my heart longs for W. Texas, not so much the people there though I do miss them deeply, but it just felt right there. I guess Plainview and Lubbock have grown on me? Where God leads me I pray I have the courage and the obedience more so to take a step out and begin following. Maybe it's somewhere up north, that's the only thing I can feel sure of. 

Father, where can you use me? Where do you wish me to go? 

I will honestly say I'm too scared to look without Him, and I'm happy about that. People tell me that I should just find something (or two) that will just help me survive. People send me listings for computer orientated jobs that are well beyond me and besides that, certifications are costly. I cry whenever I hear about oil companies, I always had even when I was eighteen. There's just something about them.. and I keep hearing the word flee whenever I see a job position available. I don't know what to make of it, but it scares me too.

I don't know what to do aside from prayer and seeking God, as well as continue writing. I'm scared, and yet all the more hopefully, because I know I'm learning to trust Him all the more with my worries and fears. 

I was actually talking to a close friend of mine of three of our fears. One of the fears I gave her was the fear of losing those dear to me. Of all the fears I have, that is definitely #1 -- not death, not having a job, but losing those close to me, especially one in particular. They make up so much of my life and a good portion of my inspiration for the writings and arts. The people whom I would wash their feet, climb over security fences, drive in a torrential downpour for, and pour my time and finances out to. I don't have fairly many, but I'm blessed to have each and everyone one that I have. I love you guys, you know who you are.

Father, 
You know my heart, its desires, its fears, and its joys. I thank you so much for blessing my life so much and how you brought so many people into it for your glory. I pray that I will continue to take any movement forward necessary to continue moving forward and along side you. I don't know where I will be in the next year or the next week, but I know that You will never move away thanks to your son. I pray that as the time passes, I will strengthen my intimacy with You and within that, find where it is that You want me to go and that with faith I'll be able to walk out to it. There is no greater joy than being where You wish for me to be and it is my prayer to be in that place. Guide me Father, because I'm too frighten to do it on my own.
Amen

Father Knows Best

Click here to watch a wonderfully done message from my pastor, I can't do it justice here, you'd have to see it.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Paradigm Homework

It's been a good while since I've actually had homework. This assigned last week by our Paradigm class leader Bill. Take a day with a verse in the list and write something about it. Here is my assignment.

[Monday]
1 Peter 1:13-25
- Prepare your mind for action
- The stronger you are for Christ, the stronger the attacks will become, stay worded up
- Purify yourself
- Replace old habits (sinning) with new (growing in Christ by getting into the word of God)
- Be Holy because He’s holy
- Set your hope fully on the grace that’s coming
- Use your brethern to help gird up your loin and assist us

James 1:22-25
Don’t just listen to the word, DO IT!

[Tuesday]
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed by this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. -KJV

An ambassador is someone that forsakes their own interests for the sake of the people they represent. Sacrificing who they are to better so those around them what their people are. As Christians we are to sacrifice ourselves completely to God so that the world may see who and what He is. We should not be tainted by the world around us but be able to show what Christ’s word has taught us.

[Wednesday]
Ephesians 4:17-24
This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: -KJV

In Christ we are reborn as children of God, with our mines renewed in transformation so that unlike those that don’t serve God, we have a clearer understanding of life around us and are able to walk with God through his grace and blessings while his hand guides us with righteous justice and love.

[Thursday]
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. -KJV

Elsewhere in the scriptures we are told that our bodies are the temple of God, and that we must take care of our bodies as such. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll become sick and get onto a destructive path toward death. In the same manner that we must train our bodies so we must also train our mind for a strong man without brain is nothing more than raw unstable power. There are three kinds of smarts in this world

Book smarts - textual knowledge, school knowledge, etc.
Street smarts - the knowledge we gain from life itself
Spirit smarts - the knowledge gained from faith

To have the first two would allow one to live a wonderful life, to have all three would gain someone an extraordinary life. Having just the last would gain someone a fulfilled life.

[Friday] Look up verses that tell you what we are to look like in Christ

There are two passages that come to my mind, 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter; and Job 1:8, where God tells Satan about his blameless and upright servant. On that feared Him and turned away from evil.

[Saturday] Look up verses that tell us who we are in Christ

Romans 5:1. Being therefore justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

We are justified and therefore we have a peace that surpasses those without Christ’s love.

Galatians 3:13. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us. For it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree,”

We are redeemed from the curse of the law, death has no hold on us.

Colossians Chapter 2:9-10 For in him all the fullness of the Godhead dwells bodily, and in him you are made full, who is the head of all principality and power;

We are complete, what more can we want that He cannot provide?