Dreams and movement.

So this morning, I had a rather strange dream. I won't go too much into details about it here but it reminded me of my friend Ana who would always tell me this at the end of our conversations - "pray for your dreams." I may have to follow that advice again.

Later this morning my mother called and asked what I had planned today and also what I had planned for the future. While I have been looking for work, I've been coming up short and it's made me wonder where I'm supposed to be in life, what am I supposed to do in life now that I'm out of college? I haven't seen any open doors down here in Houston despite how many places I've applied too and it's frustrating and discouraging. I just try to remember what God says in Jeremiah 29:11 and face the day as I can. Thankfully, despite an official job, I have been able to do some clerical work and set some money aside in savings. I've also noticed that my habits have begun to change over the past few months I've down here which is a pleasant surprise.

I pray that He'll show me where He plans for me to go. Since I'd left college there's been a sense of longing to go back there. Originally I thought it was for schooling and to get a masters degree but I'm not so sure about that anymore. Granted, in the beginning I did try out for it and was accepted but there's just no funding to go. While I miss Plainview, Tx with all it's quirks I miss certain more so. How can one spend so many years with people and not? I would do just about anything to be able to spend more time with them, yet I want to do what God has for me to do. It's frightening at times when I think I would have to let people go, especially a certain few. I know I can trust Him, it's just needing to work on my non-trust? I realize this is why I'm still where I am, I'm wanting to move forward yet scared about what the next step may bring but more than anything what i would leave behind me in that step. I want to grow, and grow strong, but what good is strength if there's too much fear to use it to its full potential? I'd be causing dystrophy within myself.

Where am I going with this post? I'm not quite sure yet. I guess I'm just in a rambling mood of sorts but please bare with me if you can.

To sacrifice to God is open yourself for something greater than what you already are, and what you already have. To do so is taking a step forward toward Him and leaving everything else behind. You can't take it with you when you leave, why must we carry them with us then?  Why must I cling to them instead of clinging to Him?  

I find it funny how I want to chase lions yet am to afraid to take the first step in running. 

Lord, as I go out today, I pray you'll shake up my world so that if nothing else I will learn to hang on to you. Show me the direction to run and give me a fire beneath my feet so I do not waver. So be it.