As the clock ticks

T -36 minutes until I'm 27...

What a year, graduating college, moving away from what I still consider home and leaving everyone I knew behind. I've learned a lot since coming back to Houston... mostly spiritually than anything else. I dearly miss West Texas and the people I've come to know as my second family, one day, if it's in God's plans,  I hope to be with them (some if not all) once more... we shall see.

I've picked up some new reading materials since I've came home which have helped me realize a lot of myself and the things I've been through over the past year.



No Plot, No Problem
How has this influenced me? Well, it's mostly gotten me out of my shell with my gift of writing. I had done a few writing projects before but they were always collaboration projects. This last November was my first solo piece that has grown to be a big part of my life and a project I am to see finish. This has also helped reinspired me to finish other books as well as develop new stories.

The Mark of a Man
A special book to me that was given to me years ago by my mother while I was in my early years of college. I never read it then, but I wish I had taken the courage to do so sooner. Once a year I reread it to help me remember it's truths and advice, and each time I learn something new.

Finding God's Will
 A book by my Houstonian pastor Greg Matte...the title explains itself :)

Doulos
The book that helped me dive into Houston's First Baptist Church. I didn't really go to the Bible studies until a time after I went and did the Doulos study... Doulos is a Greek word for servants, but specifically a servant that came back to serve their master after they were freed. This study was about the aspects of a disciple and how we are to truly be one by understanding who God is and what his aspects are. :) Highly suggested

The Five Love Languages - Singles ed.
I bought the married version for a friend because it was an interesting topic and well, we didn't see the singles edition until later lol. As the title suggests, it covers the 5 main languages we all know and are in need of for any relationship to survive. I'd planned to read this before April to help me plan out my script for script frenzy but as that project has hit the wall I still read it in hopes to understand people and be a better person for our friendships to grow.


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The Bible
Last, but never the least, the Bible. In church we've been going over the book of John, in Paradigm (Bible study) we'd gone over Hebrews 11 and recently James. Wow, looking back on my notes, I've been blown away by so much over the past few months and I can only pray that the things I've learned will be reflected in my future self.  There is so much more to read, can any one mere man other than Christ understand it completely, never and that's a beautiful things.


Father, as I draw near to close this chapter in my life. I pray that your hands will guide mine as I turn this page and start the 27th chapter in my life. You've known my desires before you made me, and as I continue to pray to you and give you praise, I pray that I will continue to see that Your will is much greater than anything that I can ever hope fore, even though I know I've been stubborn with my dreams. I have seen and tasted your blessings and even no I yearn for more. I wish to follow you, stay where you do and serve those you place in my life in the manner you know is best. Hollowed by your name, and blessed be your name in the glory and honor that you deserve. I am but a vessel for you to pour out your grace and love. I wish to live for you forever, and die for you in a manner that brings you glory. I go out knowing that I may never see a face I yearn to see, nor hold a hand I wish to feel. You Father are the only one that can quench this heart's yearning for love completely and without restraint. I love you Abba. Tonight I go knowing that it is not my birthday tomorrow but an anniversary of having a life in You, a life more abundant. May this year bring me suffering so that I may draw closer to you, weakness so that I may further know your strength, hurt so that I may know your love and peace. I pray that, if anything else... that I would stop asking you to be with me, but that I will turn my eyes to see that you were, are, and always will be by my side. I pray these things in your name.

Amen

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For those of you that read these spare postings of mine, thank you. Your prayers and kind words have been a blessing, and those are the best gifts I can ever receive. I love you guys. Farewell and sweet dreams to you all.

Love always,
John

Chess with God

So often we're the pawn that thinks that they're the king. We try to move pieces in our lives to "win;" but it's only when we recognize that He is King and allow him to move us and the things in our lives the way that He wants, that we will become greater than we are and will win and be part of His glory. Just a thought from tonight.

Let me pour myself out to you for a moment.

Today I went out and bought myself a new suit and a coat from Jos A Bank. It went pretty well, if anything I have something nice for the upcoming wedding this summer though the original reason for these purchases was to have something to wear for work when I actually find work.

Work... one of the few things that I don't quite have yet. Why? I'm not sure, I just can't find a place that says yes, this is where He wants you to be. It's been nearly a year since I've graduated college, and I've been working at my dad's office helping him with clerical and book keeping stuff. Over the past ten months I've realized a few things.

• Getting a business degree wasn't the best idea. 
• Computers doesn't feel like my calling, just a tool to be used for it
• Writing is the only thing that I can do without too much thought and it makes me happy
• God's plan for me is still there, waiting

Why did I get a business degree then? When I applied for Wayland I was originally going to go into computer science and possibly art. My father dashed my hopes of achieving anything artistically because he had the same ideas back then and well, he hasn't done anything artistic since college. Another of my passion was writing -- I'd written poetry and prose and yet the discouragement that came to the art flooded over into my writing and so I didn't choose an English degree. I remember the numerous occasions where I would look at the English classes and go "Oooo it'd be neat to take this course, and this course, and etc." but I'd already started down business. Why business? Well, at the time Thomas, my older brother, was already graduated and was working for Hewlett Packard. He had a business degree and was doing programming work for them and I thought how cool would that be? So I chose business, beside the fact that my brother was in it, it seemed one of the more versatile degrees to get.

I dunno, academic wise I sometimes feel as though I made the wrong decision with my degree, but what can one do about it accept move forward? 

Another thing that's been wearing on me, my heart longs for W. Texas, not so much the people there though I do miss them deeply, but it just felt right there. I guess Plainview and Lubbock have grown on me? Where God leads me I pray I have the courage and the obedience more so to take a step out and begin following. Maybe it's somewhere up north, that's the only thing I can feel sure of. 

Father, where can you use me? Where do you wish me to go? 

I will honestly say I'm too scared to look without Him, and I'm happy about that. People tell me that I should just find something (or two) that will just help me survive. People send me listings for computer orientated jobs that are well beyond me and besides that, certifications are costly. I cry whenever I hear about oil companies, I always had even when I was eighteen. There's just something about them.. and I keep hearing the word flee whenever I see a job position available. I don't know what to make of it, but it scares me too.

I don't know what to do aside from prayer and seeking God, as well as continue writing. I'm scared, and yet all the more hopefully, because I know I'm learning to trust Him all the more with my worries and fears. 

I was actually talking to a close friend of mine of three of our fears. One of the fears I gave her was the fear of losing those dear to me. Of all the fears I have, that is definitely #1 -- not death, not having a job, but losing those close to me, especially one in particular. They make up so much of my life and a good portion of my inspiration for the writings and arts. The people whom I would wash their feet, climb over security fences, drive in a torrential downpour for, and pour my time and finances out to. I don't have fairly many, but I'm blessed to have each and everyone one that I have. I love you guys, you know who you are.

Father, 

You know my heart, its desires, its fears, and its joys. I thank you so much for blessing my life so much and how you brought so many people into it for your glory. I pray that I will continue to take any movement forward necessary to continue moving forward and along side you. I don't know where I will be in the next year or the next week, but I know that You will never move away thanks to your son. I pray that as the time passes, I will strengthen my intimacy with You and within that, find where it is that You want me to go and that with faith I'll be able to walk out to it. There is no greater joy than being where You wish for me to be and it is my prayer to be in that place. Guide me Father, because I'm too frighten to do it on my own.

Amen

Father Knows Best

Click here to watch a wonderfully done message from my pastor, I can't do it justice here, you'd have to see it.

Paradigm Homework

It's been a good while since I've actually had homework. This assigned last week by our Paradigm class leader Bill. Take a day with a verse in the list and write something about it. Here is my assignment.

[Monday]

1 Peter 1:13-25

- Prepare your mind for action

- The stronger you are for Christ, the stronger the attacks will become, stay worded up

- Purify yourself

- Replace old habits (sinning) with new (growing in Christ by getting into the word of God)

- Be Holy because He’s holy

- Set your hope fully on the grace that’s coming

- Use your brethern to help gird up your loin and assist us

James 1:22-25

Don’t just listen to the word, DO IT!

[Tuesday]

Romans 12:1-2

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed by this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. -KJV

An ambassador is someone that forsakes their own interests for the sake of the people they represent. Sacrificing who they are to better so those around them what their people are. As Christians we are to sacrifice ourselves completely to God so that the world may see who and what He is. We should not be tainted by the world around us but be able to show what Christ’s word has taught us.

[Wednesday]

Ephesians 4:17-24

This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: -KJV

In Christ we are reborn as children of God, with our mines renewed in transformation so that unlike those that don’t serve God, we have a clearer understanding of life around us and are able to walk with God through his grace and blessings while his hand guides us with righteous justice and love.

[Thursday]

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. -KJV

Elsewhere in the scriptures we are told that our bodies are the temple of God, and that we must take care of our bodies as such. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll become sick and get onto a destructive path toward death. In the same manner that we must train our bodies so we must also train our mind for a strong man without brain is nothing more than raw unstable power. There are three kinds of smarts in this world

Book smarts - textual knowledge, school knowledge, etc.

Street smarts - the knowledge we gain from life itself

Spirit smarts - the knowledge gained from faith

To have the first two would allow one to live a wonderful life, to have all three would gain someone an extraordinary life. Having just the last would gain someone a fulfilled life.

[Friday] Look up verses that tell you what we are to look like in Christ

There are two passages that come to my mind, 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter; and Job 1:8, where God tells Satan about his blameless and upright servant. On that feared Him and turned away from evil.

[Saturday] Look up verses that tell us who we are in Christ

Romans 5:1. Being therefore justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

We are justified and therefore we have a peace that surpasses those without Christ’s love.

Galatians 3:13. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us. For it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree,”

We are redeemed from the curse of the law, death has no hold on us.

Colossians Chapter 2:9-10 For in him all the fullness of the Godhead dwells bodily, and in him you are made full, who is the head of all principality and power;

We are complete, what more can we want that He cannot provide?

Its the closer ones that are the hardest

So as I've posted on my facebook last Friday I was at a church retreat for my Sunday evening Bible study group "Paradigm". It wasn't at all what I had expected, but it was still a lot of fun, full of fellowship and laughter.

I asked one of my friends to come along with to help her get to know people from the group and she agreed thinking that there would be  some structure schedule and of course some Bible studying. We've come to find out that it was more of a fellowship retreat though there were some messages and a few groups that had a topic study. Unfortunately my friend was asleep for the topic study and was a little annoyed that she'd missed it. I tried my best to help her have a good time but it just wasn't working that well. Hmm..

Today I was going to talk about what the messages were from church last night and how they impacted me, but I have something a bit more... important? to talk about. I'll start with this question:

Q.) How do you minister with someone who's losing their faith?

During the service the pastor was talking about if you're not walking in the light, you're walking in darkness (obvious right?) And gave a few examples of what's considered being in darkness vs. light. My friend was feeling as though she was being condemned rather than being convicted and just started crying. I didn't notice it at the time and thought she was just tired. When we went to the Bible study, we were going over James chapter 4 and my friend felt even more condemned through the evening. I can honestly say I can't figure out how to connect how what either of the these times were condemning. I personally felt that they were convicting rather than condemning, both telling you that there's something wrong with your life, but with the difference of where the source of that telling is coming from.

When we got into the car to get dinner, she started to cry more and while I tried my best to console her she told me she wanted to give up. I told her that she needed to hold onto God and continue to pray and she asked me for how long. I said for as long as it takes to get an answer. As we headed toward dinner, she asked me about grace and the only example that I could come up with at the time was the utter removal of debt, that it was receiving something we didn't deserve.

All in all though, I felt a failure for not being able to do more last time to lift her up in faith. I'm still not sure what else to do except try to have her talk to the pastor or our Bible study teacher to help her iron out her thought processes. There's been so much going on with her this month that made everything horrible for her, loss of job and income, anniversary of her father's death, people pulling away from her, etc.. Things that have started to pile up on her heart lately. I gave her the thought of what if God was pulling things away from her so that He could have a better chance of getting her attention better. It seemed like a left field idea, but I hope it makes her think and try to find a spiritual reason for why things are happening the way they are.

I can only pray and do my best, but Father, you are the one that can do the most healing. I place my tongue in your hand so that whatever I say to her is from you. I place my hands in yours so that you may guide me so that I may best know what to do. Help me a small light that will help guide her back to your life giving light. Amen.

Obey Your Thirst

"In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." - John 7:37 KJV


That verse has been bouncing around in my head since Sunday night when my pastor gave his sermon. He gave the illustration of a sprite commercial where people would drink the product then slam into each other, releasing a wave of water that would shower everyone around them. It's one of the reasons I've loved coming to hear his sermons, he has rather interesting methods for bringing out the points of the message God gives him. When the clip finished, he went straight into the lesson and spoke that everyone has a thirst that needed to be quenched and that in order for it. What he said following that mad my heart sink a good ways.


"Legitimate needs met in an illegitimate  way is sin."


Up until that evening, I never thought of it so straight on before. I was brought up believing that sin was what occurs when you just do things that were outside of God's Will, and never thought it out further than that. Yet this simple phrase brought home a point that for over twenty years was just sitting on my door step wanting to get in. Suffice it to say that my heart has been troubling me more so than not since then.


As I type I have a box of chocolates that my parents had bought me for Valentine's Day, and beside that a book by Gary Chapman that talks about the five love languages (I may write a bit on that later).  Thinking back on Sunday night, I remember telling my friend that the sermon was the best Valentine's sermon that I've heard in a long time. She just looked at me funny and told me she had no idea what I was talking about. Here's what my though process was like.


I thirst for love, and have gone out to seek it, only to find myself hurt and without my thirst satisfied but worse. My soul was always left dehydrated and yet I continued to seek it out because my thirst was that great. The sermon went on to say that Christ will quench everything, something I'd always known but as we all know, we can know a lot but practice little. Over the years I had been at college, I had forgotten that, and I believe that is where I started making mistakes. Since I've been out of college my spiritual life seems to be slowly getting back on track, though there's still someone I greatly miss as well as friends that I consider my family that I will always miss and welcome with open arms and a closing bear hug. Though I wish to return to them, I need to get my life back on track and remind my heart what it was like to have a heart so deep in Christ nothing else mattered. 


I need to go back and drink from the source that will bring back life to my soul and life. How can anyone run, give chase, or anything so much more than a crawl if they do not put the right nourishments into themselves? 


We left the sermon with three things
- You must acknowledge your thirst
- Belief in Christ is the thirst quencher of the soul
- The Holy Spirit's indwelling results in living waters flowing


That last point was an interesting one for me, as it was spoken of being one of the main things that separated the Old and New Testaments. In the first portion of the Bible, men were inspired by the Holy Spirit, whereas in the second half the Holy Spirit was inspiring and indwelling. How cool is that? To know that we could have such things that the men and women in the Old Testament that God was able to do such miraculous and great things through didn't have. 


Simple truths with mind blowing revelations every time I hear or read it.


As I close... Jesus was willing to give up everything, life included so that we may spend eternity with Him. There's only a small handful of people I would lay down my life for. What does that mean exactly? Well for starters, I need to have more of the love God has for His creation. Second, how can anyone top such a gift on Valentine's day?


Love you guys, and know I'm always praying for you.
John